Yup, I'm still me.

2009-06-08T17:49:00.002+08:00

Thank God for the easy peasy chicken mcnugget dipped in curry sauce CRM Roleplay I had just now. Well okay, maybe it's because I had a safe one cos I chose to have the roleplay to be related to a retail store. It's basically a test on how you handle unhappy customers over the phone. And hell yeah I did well. Tutor gave very good feedback. *ahem* She said I will do well if I decided to have a career of a CSO (Customer Service Officer) in the future as I was calm, focused, concise and a very good listener. And *ahem* she said that I have a pleasant voice over the phone and I know exactly what a customer wants to hear. *ahem ahem ahem*

POA Test (Yes, I STILL have not cleared that module. Shut up. Haha) was relatively fine. I finished the paper quite early, and we weren't allowed to leave the room till we're dismissed.

Sooooo, my mind wandered off for awhile, and suddenly I was thinking about academic vs career. Because honestly, I think that someone like me is not qualified to take 2 jobs while I'm still schooling.

People like me = People who are slow when it comes to memorizing mathematical formula and theories.

I still have not cleared some modules yet, and here I am spending more time working. Sometimes I envy those who are of my age who are able to spend time out with friends, do shitstuff like hanging out, going to the movies, and stuff like that. People tell me i'm money-faced. Which is partially true. Haha. But my main intention is to gain the experience from now, help my mum financially (not that we're financially unstable lah. LOL.) and become successful in the future. But being able to discipline myself in terms of academically is a difficult task sia. I have totally no interest in things like Business Law and Business Finance and shit.

Argh. But I wanna make my parents proud too.

Idk if all of this is going to be worth it in the long run. :(

2009-06-08T11:50:00.000+08:00

Syukur alhamdulillah.

From a Sales Agent, to a Sales Executive in just one day. It was tiring having to arrange 3 appointments in one day, but it was all worth it. Closed all 3 deals with the help of Miss Tasniyah and motivation from the other managers and teammates from Pantera, and now i'm on my way to Marketing Executive!

Insyallah :D

2009-06-04T11:50:00.004+08:00

Yesterday's outing was fun uh.

And Syuhadah is gonna go "Wah Mas semangat sia update pasal Venture Era ajer."

So...Haha. I shall shut up. (:

But honestly uh, the bond they have is so unlike the bond we have at Zara. =x

2009-06-03T11:22:00.002+08:00

Hurhur.

I came to school today just to find an empty classroom.

I came to school for nothing.

I forgot how the teacher said, "Next weeeeek, since you guys have ICA during your lecture period on Friday, you don't have to come for tutorial next Wednesday okay.. Don't come to school for my lesson okay.. I already told you hor okay... Don't come and blame me if anyone of you forgot okay.." (My tutor has a habit of adding an 'okay' at the end of most of his sentences. And he is pretty draggy when he talks. So he goes 'okaaaaaaaaay...'. Which gets pretty irritating at times. You'll just feel like you'll need to smack him on the back so all his words could come out faster.)

Sooooooo. Yeah. It has been a total waste of time. And now I will need to go all the way to Tampines Safra for the Venture Era gathering (when I could have just gone from home since its nearer and when i dont have class today. wtf.)

2009-06-01T11:44:00.012+08:00

Yesterday's gathering or what I would say a 'lepak session' with afew members from the Pantera family was pretty fun.

After the mass meeting at the office, we bussed down to Bugis and had our dinner at Tong Seng. There were like 10 of us, chatting and talking about practically anything.

Then we went to Marina Square.. The managers had their own meeting at McDonalds' while the 'orang-orang bawah' (lower ranked people) like me, went to hang out at the flight of stairs outside Marina Square, facing the Esplanade. They are a bunch of pretty fun people actually, well okay, besides the fact that I still think they are all pretty mat-ish and stuff, but oh well. People say that once you join a crowd, you will actually BE the crowd one day. So I'd keep my mouth shut for now. Hahaha.

I was having a great time with the others..until..someone appeared. He got a shock of his life and was pretty embarrassed. But not for long I guess. Those who know what happened, good for you. Those who don't, well, it's really not your business and I would like to save his face too. So yeah. (:

I'm starting to like this company I'm working for. I haven't gone for any appointments with any clients lah but I really am starting to like the atmosphere and the bond that the teammates have. There will be another mass gathering with the Pantera team and a birthday celebration this Wednesday at City Hall. Cantwaitcantwaitcantwaituhsiol. :D

2009-06-01T11:44:00.007+08:00

Attended a wedding at Grassroots Club with the rest of the Ventura Era team for Mr Khai and Miss Ina's wedding. Both are managers in the company by the way. They are like... two levels below 'filthy rich'. Haha. The couple was escorted by the arrival of big luxurious cars, instead of those noisy mat motors with their noisy engines we usually see at malay weddings. Alot of people were present, and I overheard some random guy at Grassroots Club telling his wife, "Wah, no wonder they never do at void deck. Confirm cannot fit all this people." Haha. Beautiful wedding, with a beautiful couple.

Mat clan of Pantera photo-taking session before the wedding.

Mr Faiz, the guy who recommended me the job. (:

The whole of the Pantera family.

Mr Khai and Miss Ina, managers of Venture Era. Sweet ke per! :D

...and we were the couple's escorts at the aisle.

Oh, and just to add on, the people in the pictures above are my new colleagues! I have a second job right now. It's not exactly a job I have always dreamt of, but I guess it's a pretty interesting job.

I. Am. Going. To. Be. A. Salesperson. Selling. Mineral Water. And. Pillow Pads. And. Health Products.

HAHA.

You'll still see me at Zara though. This will be more of like a freelance job, to increase my income, but my mentors have been saying that they would like to see me go up to a Marketing Executive position very soon as they see potential in me. CHEY. I have potential. HAHA. Pressurizing siol.

Been going for training at the company these few days. It's getting very tiring but I guess it's all for the best. (: Wish me luck guys! haha :D

2009-05-13T14:58:00.002+08:00

The turnout for the Live Audio Orientation for the freshies wasn't bad at all! Besides the fact that the canteen uncle only gave us muffins and drinks for the refreshments, and alvin wasn't able to control his vulgarities, everything else went well. Plus, Nurul has someone new to look at. LOL. anddddddd, there was this Chinese guy who's name is 'Sayang'. Now we can go "Hi sayaaaaang.." and "Bye sayaaaaaang..." without having the guy to have the wrong idea about us girls, and plus, he's cute! =D

Oh and on another note, does anyone by any chance, have the whole series to the Korean drama, "Likeable or Not"? Due to work and stuff like that, i'm unable to catch it on channel U every night. And i can't even find them online. HELP! and thanks to Feriyani, i'm now hooked on to watching korean dramas online when i'm using the free access lab in school. Right now, i'm watching Cinderella Man! I really don't know why these korean dramas have very weird titles but oh well. and i heard Boys Over Flowers on Channel U is going to be good!

2009-05-07T14:00:00.002+08:00

2 weeks without my baby is hell.
I miss the way he looks at me at night...
I miss his presence..at school..in my bedroom...
I miss how patient he was with me when i get all stressed up over work..
I miss the way he manages to put a smile on my face whenever I meet him..
...and i know he misses my touch too..
I MISS MY LAPTOP. :(

Been 2 weeks since the start of school. Back to the usual routine of joining 5 different classes, means 5 different sets of classmates each week. That pretty much sucks lah, especially during the very first lesson, cos the whole class will give you this very weird stare which seems like they're using their eyes to say "Who the hell are you? You're not really wanted here", while some are nice and use their eyes to say "Oh cool. New girl." but that's a totally different story again cos it's not a really nice feeling when they ask which class i'm actually from and i need to tell them that i'm actually already in my final year and when that class i'm attending is a year 1 / year 2 class. But oh well. I have only myself to blame for being so stupid and flunking most of papers. HAHA. But look on the bright side, there are alot of chances for me to go up to an empty seat which happens to be next to a really cute guy and ask if I can sit there and he says yes, and then I end up sharing his laptop with him since my laptop was sent for repair. haha cool or whudddd. :D

Other than that, been catching up with some old friends, had a fair share of heartbreaks and laughter and whatever, but all in all, it's been good. (:

...and i still miss my laptop.

2009-04-10T17:52:00.002+08:00

It's a wonder how two total strangers can be so comfortable with each other. It's been a while.

(:

2009-03-27T22:50:00.015+08:00

Hahahaha, so apparently, Miss Nurul Huda also aka Mrs Rossi, has been asking me why don't I see the need to update my blog. And apparently, she claims that I HAVE alot to blog about because alot has been happening. HAHA. She knows me better than I do. LOL.

- masnurulazurin said:

what do you want me to blog about?

∂ινασƒѕσяяσω® said:

your birthday! the strings of happy thots, happy places and happy happy happy happpyyyy people

no more sad and angry lil miss lembab fat boy

oops.

So yes, she wants me to update about my birthday and happy happy happy moments and yes, she calls me a fat boy.

Soooooo.. On my birthday.. Well, firstly, thanks to everyone who remembered (whether or not they got notifications and alert from livejournal or facebook or whatever. lol.)! Thanks to Nurul Huda who bought me a piece of brownie with a tiara on the top cos she can't seem to bake one herself, like the one we saw on the Internet the other day. It's okay. The substitute's gooood. (:

and and and. Rauf (which was one hell of a surprise) gave me a pair of movie vouchers and a pretty little card and a nice little poem, especially the last part which he said if Huda were to bully me on my birthday, I'll just need to fry her in a pan. But Huda NEVER bullies me, it's more of the other way round. So I didn't get to fry her.

Didn't get to celebrate much on that day itself, cos I had to go to my uncle's place to attend a marhaban for his wedding the next day and a doa selamat for me. Awww.

Next day, was the wedding. And I fell in love, and the infatuation caused me to do one of the stupidest things ever. (:

Sunday was even better! My luck was good, I managed to get what I want. Though there were ALOT of risks involved during the attempt. Some would know about this. *hint hint*

And thank you Elaine Chongy and Sufian for the pretty pretty bangles! :D

And after work that day, Nabil, Sherlynn, Ruiteck and P.K planned a birthday celebration for me at Hard Rock Cafe! Cool shit or whaaaat. :D It was the worst, and the best celebration ever! :D Shall just upload a few pictures here. Others are up on facebook. Someone should really wipe off that silly grin off my face.

Anddddddd. On Monday, it was Jap food with the girls! Now, you tell me if I should be a happy girl or not. :D

2009-03-07T22:38:00.003+08:00

Okay, so i guess it's time for me to finally update? Because.. I have some people who have been asking, "Mas! update blog already anot?" and i'll be like "No uh. no time." and they'll be like "Oh, so still the LONELY entry lah. *and starts laughing*" i swear it's annoying k.

..so now you guys can now ask me, "Mas! update blog already anot?" and i can like go "No uh. no time." and then you guys can like go "Oh, so it's still the entry which mentioned that I was annoying lah?". and the cycle can go on.

So. Let's start the day by talking about how liars will forever be liars. Or maybe, they just think it's oh so fun to lie about stuff. Like..denying that you're back with your girlfriend? Like..claiming that now you're just a lonely and confused guy, still searching for answers? And lying to me is just not enough, you just had to make up stories to my friend too? Why did you have to do that? Cos you think all this doesn't matter anymore? Well, maybe not to you. But to me, it does. Ugh. Whatever man. I don't even think you understand cos you're nothing else but a heartless, detestable, liar of a slut. Let's just hope there's no such thing as karma. Enjoy your trip, whoever you are. I don't even know who or what you are now. I guess no one will.

2009-02-20T14:14:00.004+08:00

I think i'm starting to get used to the being-alone-and-going-everywhere-alone thingy already. It's starting to get pretty fun actually. For the whole week, been hanging out at the National Library at Bugis for the whole day and then taking a walk around the area to explore the place. The whole idea of no-talking-and-just-walking-around-with-a-double-cheeseburger-and-a-packet-of-Chocolate-Pocky-while-just-looking-at-people-and-beautiful-buildings is really not a bad idea.

Okay, so Nurul's out of town and only will be back on monday. COME BACK QUICK!

I'm tired of being the 'spare-tyre'.

2009-02-14T19:06:00.003+08:00

...and Valentines' Day just got worse and worse every year.

Well, it started off fine, actually.. Wished Khai a happy valentines' day at midnight, and he replied..

"Happy Valentines Day to you Mas. Hope you're well and strong. Glad you're doing okay now. Once again, happy valentines. Goodnight."

and that was it. I was happy, no doubt, to just receive a reply from him.. My eyes stung as I opened and read the message, tears of joy or sadness, I have no idea.. I had this strong urge to just press 'reply' and tell him that no, i'm not okay, that I miss him terribly and to ask if he could strengthen our relationship once again. But being the coward that I am, I just placed the phone on the table after reading the message.

Imagine having to look forward to a day with someone, only to be turned down just because I said "It's okay, you don't have to meet me tomorrow". Okay, I really need some advice on this because I was really never good with words and I always spit out the wrong things. But sensing reluctancy, was I wrong to say that? And after that, the invitation to join the ex-boyfriend and his friends was cancelled at the last minute. When I say last minute, I do mean last minute. I found out only at the place through a text message that I was unwelcomed as the friends wanted it to be only a guys day out. You know, you could have told me earlier. I wouldn't mind at all. But only to be told then? Sigh. And how ironic it was to see a certain someone out with another girl.

I left my place at 10 in the morning. and it's already 7.30 at night now. I'm currently at the Esplanade library. After a long day at town and city hall, I decided to settle down here. Bought chocolates for my colleagues at Zara. Atleast they were occupied with work to let them forget about Valentines' Day. Everywhere was crowded with couples, girls holding bouquets of flowers and balloons, pathways being blocked by couples who didn't want to stop holding hands, hugging and kissing everywhere. Wanted to catch a movie alone, but of course, it's no surprise why all the movies were selling out fast. Even Mum received a super romantic text message from Dad in Brunei. aiyo. I'm that pathetic.

I kept thinking of Khai, when I know I'm not supposed to. I miss him, I really do.. Before we broke up, I've actually already planned on what I'm going to do with him during this year's Valentines' day. My plan was an overnight at Sentosa, just with him. But, argh. No point talking about it.. :'(

On a brighter note, THANK YOU NURUL HUDA BINTE JASMAN FOR THE VALENTINES DAY GIFT! :D A picture of us on a bookmark and a 'Love' VCD. One of the best Indonesian movies ever! I cried during the ending, cos i was thinking how nice it would be to have someone to love you even after finding out you had breast cancer and even if you're carrying someone else's child. Okay, it's not like as if I have cancer or pregnant, but you get what i mean. (:

2009-02-06T23:34:00.001+08:00

Glad to know you're doing fine and moving on pretty well. (:

sigh.

2009-02-03T23:34:00.001+08:00

ahhhhhhh, my friend, whom I've known for more than 5 years.. is now gone.

Don't worry. It's just.....

..my Friendster account. I've deleted it! (:

2009-02-01T22:29:00.005+08:00

I have been officially awake for 25 hours.

Spent the night with Danny, Alvin, Jia Hui and apparently lots of other humans at City Alive. Intended to go home at 1am, cos of work, but that didn't happen. Nowhere near, because we stayed out the whole night. So, that just meant that I spent the whole night out, without going home to even have a change of clothes before setting off for work.

Had dinner with Danny first, before meeting up with Alvin the Minor and Jia hui at 10pm. As you guys know, i'm not much of a dancer (i swear i cannot dance for NUTS and crackers.) and last night was probably my first night out to a party like that. God, i sound like a noob. Met up with dearest Sammy for awhile and stuff. Had the first real experience of witnessing how mats and minahs dance to the music. Party ended at 3.. went for breakfast at Mac, where I bumped into Sally who was eating alone, who was abandoned by her friends. HAHA. They left at 6am to take the first train ride home. And me? Well i alighted at Orchard Rd, walked to Taka, sat on the steps, and waited till it was 9am. You don't know how long it felt like. 6.30am to 9am. GOD. and Danny, IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. hahahaha :D

....so yeah. i was the Smelly Zombie at work. No shower, no sleep. and what's worse, I had to do fitting room duty, which is actually the best way to make me fall asleep even while standing.

2009-01-27T23:23:00.000+08:00

First of all, I’d like to wish all the beautiful Chinese people out there a very Happy Lunar New Year!! (:

Just a few things to update on…

The judging for the VM of the MSC outlets will be held on Wednesday! Cool or what. The NYP Giordano Team has worked hard to win (well, hopefully we do). The shop looks gooooood. Like damn good. Okay, maybe not, but c’mon. Give me some face. To Zhe Yow (If you’re reading this), hahahahaha, thanks for the criticisms man. Once the competition is over, I’ll stop giving you my ‘black face’ okay? Lol. But anyways, Zhe Yow’s still the best! :D

Made a new special friend, by ‘mistake’ (some would know what I’m talking about). And she really IS special. (:

…and I’m currently undergoing some kind of sickness called ‘Impulstreotis’. It’s a newly discovered disease, which will enable the patient to buy things on impulse. It’s quite harmless actually. And I think it’s making me happy.

- Will be right back after these messages –

To a few people out there who happen to be reading this and who happen to be one of those people I’ve met for the past few weeks, if you happen to fall into the category of JERKS WHOSE MAIN INTENTION IS JUST TO TOY WITH GIRLS, well, YOU CAN JUST GO AND DIE AND GO TO HELL RIGHT AFTER THAT AND JUST CONTINUE TO BE THE SATAN’S MINIONS AND SERVANTS SINCE YOU’RE ALREADY ONE.

Don’t worry. I’m fine. And I’m still smiling.

- And back to the show! –

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m going to mention it again anyway.

I think I may have the weirdest mum ever. Or are all mums like that?.. Let me explain and you be the judge.

She’s fine one moment, and can act like a crazy woman soon after, and she’ll be fine again after that. She gets mad after finding out that I went out with some other guy other than Khai. Even called up the guy to tell him to make sure I come home straight away. Once home, gave me a freaking long, Long, LONG lecture (well, she doesn’t know what happened between me and Khai and thinks that I’m cheating on him.). And right after that, she apologizes and pretends nothing happened. And what’s more, she told me it’s okay if I were to go out with other guys. And the next day, she’ll go back to her crazy self and asks me why am I still talking to other guys. I seriously don’t get it man. I thought I’m the only confused one. Now I know where I got it from. HAHA.

But oh well. She’s still my beloved mummy. Who worships Rihanna. She sings to Unfaithful and Umbrella most of the time at home. Though she only gets the chorus right. I don’t know if I should be proud of that or not.

Had a tiff with the ex boyfriend last week. It didn’t turn out good. I was blocked from msn, and for sure, deleted off his phone book as well.

But hey, I’ve been thinking…

I guess that man really did love me. I guess he wasn’t out just to toy with me or mess with my feelings. Okay, maybe he did. But I don’t think that was his main intention…

The past haunted me.

I remembered seeing the Mini M&Ms bottle in his room, sitting on top of his Hi-Fi player. That was actually the Mini M&Ms chocolates I bought for him on our third date, when we sat behind Takashimaya at 6pm-7pm on a Sunday, after I finished work, and he was having his dinner break (he was still working at Borders then). And he still kept that blue bottle even after a few months had passed.

I remembered how he would still come and meet me even if he was clearly feeling unwell. Not once, but many times. There was even a time when he sprained his ankle the night before, and still went to meet me at Orchard because he knew I’d be unhappy if he didn’t meet me (evil me), although he was limping in pain throughout the whole date. He went on MC many times, just to spend the whole day with me. Even when he was clearly broke, he still insisted on buying an MC just to make me happy.

He’d buy me gifts and dinners… The very first gift was that green tube dress from Hula & Co. There were a few others, but one that I will not forget is this particular dress which he paid for using the last few bucks he had. I remembered how he said he wanted to use that money to buy a pair of Adidas shoes for himself, but instead, he gave me a surprise by spending it on that dress instead…

I remembered calling him my favourite Saturday boy as he would spend every single Saturday with me, for the whole day. Our Chinatown trip, our Sentosa date, the bowling day,……we were happy.

I still remembered the day we first broke up. The misunderstanding. The accusations I made, accusing him of being a selfish guy who didn’t have a heart. Who only knows how to point out my mistakes and not someone who was there for me. But little did I know that he was the one who called up my friend, hoping that he could help me with the project which was due the next day. Hoping that I’ll feel less stressed out. I remembered sitting on that bench with him that night, looking at him cry, telling me all he wanted to do was to see me happy. The happiness that he cannot ever give me. We patched up one week after, it was his decision. I was over the moon, of course. Only God knows how happy I was that day. If he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t want me back in his life, would he?...

…I’m glad I got to be his companion for those few months. Even if it meant I was actually sharing him with someone else… I guess I have to understand that all he wanted was something to distract him away from the commitment he thought he wasn’t ready to go through…

I thought he was the one. Haha. Guess I wasn’t thinking right. I’m 18. He’s 25. Who in the right mind would think that a relationship like that could work out? Maybe I was girlfriend material, but definitely not wife material for someone who is obviously old enough to get married. Argh. Fucking stupid.

Khai, if you’re reading this, just remember this okay? You’re still on my mind till now. I know you’re happy now, whoever you’re with, wherever you are. I remember how you told me you want to see me happy too, and I will be. I’m sorry I said all those things to you the other day… you deleted me off your msn and phonebook and if that’s what you really want, to forget about me just like that, I’ll respect your decision. But truth is, I still do want to be your friend. Remember how you said to me, “I may not be your boyfriend now, but you’re still my very good friend.”? Where have your words gone to? You know, every night, I have this very strong urge to just text you? But I guess, it was your decision to forget about me, and I should might as well respect that. I wish you well, and I still pray to God, asking Him to bless you and keep you safe.

Zhe Yow told me last Friday to stop talking about my ex on my blog.

To Zhe Yow: Don’t worry, this MAY be the last entry about him. Let’s hope so. Lol.

I guess what Khai told me is true. I have lots of other people around me who still care for me and love me. Those who are willing to be there for me, those who are willing to be there to listen, those who are there who are willing to make me happy. I will never be alone, won’t I? and yeah, I think I should better stop mourning already like as if someone died. Haha. It’s time to move on baby. It’s time to look ahead and see what the future has in store for me. And yes, like what Khai said AGAIN, I’m still young, I still have a whole life to look forward to, and I should make full use of it. See what I mean when I say Khai has taught me a lot of things? He wasn’t my 25 year old boyfriend for nothing okay. He was like a friend, a brother, and a father to me too. I don’t know. Maybe I just feel that way because I’ve never really felt love from a father in my life. And fyi, I DO have a father.. But hey, that’s another story.

Always the first to cast stones,
Always the first to cry out sinner.
Then you sneak home to gratify yourself in a dark corner,
And take out your frustrations on anyone who crosses you.

2009-01-21T17:15:00.001+08:00

and i'm officially the happiest girl in the world as of today!

got my iTouch and a freaking new camera (like finally). i dont have to listen to anyone else going "Wah mas, your camera damn lousy sia." -.-

and sufian will go: Mas eksyen.

2009-01-21T17:15:00.000+08:00

Haha, what the fuck was I thinking?

But, god, it felt good.

2009-01-19T11:23:00.001+08:00

why why why can't i stop thinking about you?..

I still love you, Khai. :'(

2009-01-13T23:26:00.001+08:00

Baby, I miss you.

I long to see you again.. :'(

2009-01-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

He didn't unbutton your blouse to see a better view of your heart..

2009-01-09T10:45:00.003+08:00

one week has passed since we broke up...

i've been sleeping really late for the past week, for i don't allow myself to go to sleep unless i'm really really really really sleepy. after a long day in school and at work, all i yearn for is a nice sleep at the end of the day.. but all i got was a few hours of sleep each day.. for i only start to really fall asleep in the morning, with eyes red and swollen. even Bryce commented that i had eyebags and that my eyes look 'weird' for the past few days, even after i tried to cover them up with makeup. no, my face is not disfigured, it's just that my eyes tend to get puffy during certain mornings. argh. when i'm not sleepy, i'll tend to just lie on my bed, and think of him. and that's when i start to cry. i tried to sting my eyes with the cold air from the fan to make me go to sleep but it just hurts my eyes more. i've been a fool to fall in love with him. one more foolish act like this wouldn't make any difference..

i'm only 18! i'm not ready to face all these problems! why, why did i ever fall in love with a 25 year old man, who assured me that he wasn't like any of my ex-boyfriends?! shouldnt i know better?!

i wish i was stronger. i wish i could put all these behind me right now and bloody hell move on. there are many things in this world worth going for, but why am i still stuck here?

i keep telling myself that he doesn't love me anymore, doesnt care about me anymore and just can't be bothered with me anymore. well, those are obviously true, but i can't seem to trust my own feelings! i hate him, i really do..for letting me love that person in him which is..well, NOT him. but at the same time, i love him, i really do..for making me probably one of the happiest girls in the world for that 9 months..

khai and huda are probably happy to be together again..
why can't i get to be happy too?..

once, there was a triangle.
now, there's just a one-sided love...

2009-01-09T00:01:00.005+08:00

oh, and thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks to everyone who was there for me. (:

for example:

someone by the name of ELAINE CHONG, came down to Giordano, shouting "WHERE'S MAS?!", right when she entered the shop. Handed me a small little pink box and said "NAH FOR YOU! CHEER UP OKAY!"

...and so i opened the box to find..

sweet or what.. (:

and of course, thanks to Nurul for her daily lunches with me (((:

and to all those other people lah. you guys know who you are. (:

2009-01-08T23:32:00.002+08:00

It's not fair. It's just so not fair.

I can't seem to think of anything, of what I did in the past, to deserve to feel this way.

Right here, I'm still suffering, wishing that I could stop missing him once and for all, and there he is.. Probably as happy as ever, not having to think about me anymore, he now only needs to focus on one thing. Her.

It's not fair.

For someone who has said and done alot of lies, why doesn't he receive the punishment? Why me?

Fuck lah.

It's not supposed to end this way. It's not..

2009-01-06T10:43:00.002+08:00

Last night, was probably the last night I get to spend time with Khai. We had our usual dinner at McDonalds (double cheeseburger) and went to our usual hangout at central, just to pass time.

It was hard pretending that I was alright. Hard trying not to cry as I've already promised him that.

My heart ached looking at him sitting beside me, thinking if he could stay by my side forever. But who am i trying to kid? His heart is no longer with me now....

Like he mentioned in his blog, wishing that he can turn back time, I'm wishing for the same thing. Wishing how better it would be if I didn't check his phone on that day. Wishing how better it would be if he didn't take MC on that day, just to come and meet me. I wish I wish..

But right now, all i can wish for is for a miracle. That somehow, someday, I'll get what I want. It's time i stop thinking of others and let everything go MY way.

Very funny, mas. Very funny.

I keep telling myself to move on and stop thinking that he would one day come back to me. I guess I just can't accept the fact that it's just wishful thinking on my part. I keep telling myself that he's a jerk, an asshole, a liar. But the only images i have of him are images of the 'fake' him. The 'fake' him who said he loved me and only me. The one who was mature, and intelligent. The one who said he'd love me forever, no matter what happens...

I asked Nurul, "Must I really forget about him...". And she said that I'd have to ask myself, if i'm willing to forget what he did and go past all that and forgive him and still love him as much. And if he still wants to be with me, then I wouldn't have to. but if he's going back to Huda, then it's wise to forget him..

It's so hard.. it's just so hard...... :'(

2009-01-04T23:33:00.002+08:00

as hard as letting him go, it was as hard trying to believe whatever he wrote in his blog. it sucks to feel this way. sucks knowing that you can't trust anyone.

i'm thankful, though. for having people who were there to listen to me. thanks for the encouraging words, guys.

it was hard to concentrate at work. Zara should probably stop playing so much love songs and start playing Chinese New Year songs.

i swear this month is the month of heartbreaks. had a fair share of tragic love stories with colleagues today. one is married at 22, but husband is having an affair. another found out that her boyfriend has been going out with multiple different girls. another one is being neglected. another really loves her boyfriend, but she just had to find out that he was just making use of her. guys suck. suck suck suck big time. jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks. argh.

Khai was being sweet today. Caught me by surprise by texting me whether I was already on the way home and stuff.

"You're no longer my gf, but you're still my very close friend."

It sucks to be reminded that he's no longer mine. Not that he was mine in the first place, but you get it. He's the first person i gave my everything to. I thought he was the one. But.. sigh. No point talking about it.

I cried so hard last night, after he told me that he still needs to get her back in his life. Where does that put me? Just at the blink of an eye, I'm an outsider. This is now all nothing about me. It's now all about THEM. KHAI AND HUDA. Those names. Those names which are engraved on his necklace which he has been wearing from Day 1 even when we were already together.

It's hard to stop loving someone once you've started to love them so much.

I've not cried since this morning, after telling my story to Kak Aida. Big achievement huh. LOL. -.-

Argh. Yup, he's still my ex boyfriend. Still my close friend. But still the biggest jerk i know. Whom I'm still in love with. :'(

No more "Always Be My Baby - David Cook".

2009-01-02T17:18:00.003+08:00

Samsons - Kenangan Terindah

Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun
Aku mampu tuk mengenangmu

Darimu, kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku, kau lah cinta sejati

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang telah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

2009-01-01T18:10:00.001+08:00

Not one. But two love stories just ended. It's so complicated, it just has to be the most tragic relationship for me.

We were happy once. Broke up once. Patched up. Only God knows how happy I was. But little did i know how much he was suffering just to be with me.

I really don't know what to feel right now.. I feel thankful, now that I know the truth.. I feel guilty, now that I've ruined the future for 2 people.. I feel hurt, cos I gave my everything to him, and this is what I get in return.. I feel sad, for I miss him still.. I feel sorry, for him and her.

Nuff said for today.

Things will get better soon for all of us, I'm sure.

When? God knows..

2008-12-06T19:45:00.006+08:00

Day 3: I'm glad you're doing better than I am.

Last night was.. I don't know whether I should say it was a great or a bad night for me. I met the ex-boyfriend, or should i say part-time boyfriend for dinner. It was nice seeing him again. But it felt so awkward.. We were no longer holding hands like how we used to. Come on mas. Get over it. You guys are over! He still played with my fingers though. and I swear it felt good. The smell of his cigarette still lingered on my fingers even when I'd reached home.. He was still the retarded and funny guy I knew, but I don't know if he could tell that I was pretty sad..

I came home crying, cos he wasn't there anymore to send me home. Mum's cool. She's been my shoulder to cry on these past few days.. I swear I'm tired with all these crying but it's just hard..

Friends asked..

"You alone uh? Waiting for who?"

"Eh? Not going out with boyfriend meh?"

"Eh Mas! Long time no see! Still with your boyfriend anot!"

Guys, sorry i lied.

I need to be strong. Stop crying. It's not going to help! :'(

Facebook: 10 photos
Friendster: 9 photos.

2008-11-24T12:50:00.010+08:00

just so you know, 6 months and 23 days of relationship is over. it really hurts knowing you lost someone you love dearly..

baby, leaving me is the worst thing you've ever done to me. you thought i was unhappy being with you but you never really know my feelings for you, don't you? you're making me feel worse. i want you back in my life.. back to how we were. please.. if you really love me like you said you do, just do this favour? :(

i don't want to be with anyone else but you. you taught me so many things.. i dare say that i'm more mature now. don't tell me to find a better guy because i won't. that means, i'm not going on dates with anyone else until i can finally forget about us (which i very much doubt.) i'll still state myself as being in a relationship in facebook and friendster and our photos will still be up. you're special to me and all i want is you.

Facebook: 10 photos
Friendster: 9 photos

It'll decrease slowly..based on how i'm coping with the breakup. The more i delete, means the better i'm feeling.

You're going to be my (fake) boyfriend till whenever I want you to be. Yes, i'm stupid. Yes, i'm living in denial.

I woke up this morning, and the first thing I thought of was You. I thought that after some sleep, everything would be alright. But i realized that starting from today, everything's going to change..

Just the day before, you bought me my favourite Double Cheeseburger.
Just the day before, you held me in your arms.
Just the day before, I felt so loved.

It all happened suddenly.. It's my fault for complaining everytime.. It's my fault that i don't show how much i love you.

I appreciate that you promised to text me everyday and go out with me sometime. But it's just different..

I can't stop this tears from flowing everytime i think of you..

My wish: YOU

2008-11-24T12:50:00.005+08:00

and so, when i thought everything was perfect, the world just starts crashing down on me.

for once, i looked forward to school everyday. i realized who i am, what i'm good at and that i actually have so much to live for. Time spent with Boyfriend the past few weeks was definitely one of the most happiest times we had together. Bby, i really appreciated it when you gave in to me the other day and apologized. I love you. work's good as usual, and i felt really glad that my hard work paid off. However, it's been really shitty these few days. Stuff happened. assignments have been piling up. more deadlines to be met. head's spinning most of the time thinking about different issues. things are just not how they used to be. i'm going to make it right again. somehow.

okay, enough about the shit. now let's talk about the less shittier things! (:

BSU Team 5 is the greatest thing ever (okay, besides my usual bachelorettes *winks*)!! from total strangers to like..............sardine (does that make sense? oh well.) ! We used to think Adelena was from China and Ruiteck was a typical ahbeng. But never did we expect to discover that special someone in that China-human-form and that typical-ahbeng-body! But no, Adelena is NOT from China. RuiTeck, i'm still confused. HAHA. From prawning to our daily nonsensical antics like taking turns to be locked up in a cupboard, pushing each other on wheel-chairs at the corridor, daily lunches at Koufu canteen, celebrations, there's just alot to mention! Adelena and Ruiteck have gone for their attachment though. and now we have 2 new teammates to replace them, Stella and Regina. they seem alright to me but no one can replace adelena and ruiteck!! TEAM 5 MISSES YOU GUYS!

i love my boyfriend more than anything in the whole wide world! err, but okay. maybe besides double cheeseburgers. he's everything i could ever ask for! well, almost actually. but hey, no one's perfect and i should be thankful for what i already have.

Khye, i love you and you know that. (:

Saturday was spent with the new and improved Nurul, the slimmed-down Fang Ying and the girl-with-the-big-WOWwies Rachel. 5 hours at Seoul Garden, i think if i were to vomit all the meat out, it could possibly be moulded into a pregnant cow. Nurul had red nail polish on and a dress! YES A DRESS! Like, fucking cool lah. See what i meant by NEW & IMPROVED? Hehe. x)

2008-11-20T18:04:00.000+08:00

okay, i'm useless.
but i won't be sorry about it cos i know i've tried my best.

2008-10-29T12:07:00.006+08:00

What do the majority of people in your life call you?
` Mas

Last thing/person to make you smile?
` The photo we took of Nabil today. x)

Is something bothering you right now?
` Nope.

Ever got really drunk and can't remember what happened?
` Never gotten drunk before.

Do you prefer your girlfriend/boyfriend to be taller or shorter than you?
` Taller but not so tall. If I were to prefer someone SHORTER than me, than I swear there's something wrong with me. I'm only 1.55m for God's sake.

Have you ever broken someones heart?
` I think so. Maybe. Probably.

Have you ever slept with a member of the opposite sex without actually having sex?
` Yeah. I've slept with my cousin before. (sounds SO wrong)

Are you a heavy or light sleeper?
` Errrr. Heavy. Nono. Light. Uhm, no. I think heavy. LOL.

What did you do last Saturday night?
` Probably eating Durian at my uncle's place in Melaka.

Do you currently hate someone?
` I don't hate. I only dislike.

Do you like to cuddle?
` Uhhuh. Uhhuh.

Name something great that happened today?
` Something great? Besides having to mess up Nabil's face with blutack? HAHAHAHAHAHA

How many different people of the opposite sex have you really cried over?
` Uhhh. 6 maybe? HAHAHAHA stupid siak cry. Aper nk buat. Dah crybaby.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
` Nolah. Never even pass out before.

Do you like your life as of now?
` Yeah, it gets better by the day. Okay no, better by the year. I think. =x

Do you have a crush on anyone?
` I love Khairul Anuar Bin Osman but i have a crush on Josh Hartnett Bin Super Handsome.

Where do you hide your money?
` I don't hide my money. I let it out where i can see them to spend.

How did you wake up this morning?
` Mum's usual "Sayannnng, wake upppppp." yeah, sweet huh. LOL.

What's the last bone you broke?
` I already have a crooked backbone. Crooked is as good as broken.

What are you excited about?
` Tomorrow.

Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
` only the usual 2.

Do you curse a lot?
` I only like the word 'cheebye'. It sounds pretty cute.

Was your last kiss a mistake?
` I don't think so. Hope not. Haha x)

What are you not looking forward to?
` Having to go to work tomorrow.

What did your last text message on your mobile say?
` Eh mas! Besok dtg keje tau! Tkde budak melayu lagi yang keje besok kalau kau takde! Nanti aku sorang siak! *tsk tsk. i've got racist friends. HAHAHAHA*

Has anyone disappointed you recently?
`How recent is recent.

Where are you?
` School's McDonalds.

What color are your eyes?
` I think they're black. Some say they're brown. oh well.

When is the last time you were embarrassed?
`I don't know which is the last time cos i usually get embarrassed cos people usually make me feel stupid. oh wait. i am stupid.

Do you usually fall for people you can't have?
` I used to. HAHA

Are you artistic?
` NO.

What was the last item you bought?
` Winter Melon drink. Oh wait. P.K paid for it. =x

At what age do you want to be married?
` 22! If not, 26.

Where is your mom right now?
` Home.

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
` Nothing. Really.

Do you prefer light or dark haired girls/boys?
` Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Are you currently frustrated with a girl/guy?
` Noppppppe.

Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
` Noooo. I would like to try it though. HAHA.

Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
` of course lah.

Have you ever cried while in the shower?
` Yeah. Forgot about what lah. But super dramatic right! HAHAHAHAHA

What are you doing tonight?
` Dinner with Bby!

Is there someone you'd really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff?
` NURUL! I MISS HER I MISS HER I MISS HER!

Is there something that has happened in your past that you really dislike talking about?
` If you know i don't like talking about it, why ask. -.-

What time did you get up this morning?
` Initially at 6.15am. But i told my mum, "5 minutes!" thrice. So i ended up waking up OFFICIALLY at 6.30.

When was the last time you swam?
` I don't and can't swim.

2008-10-28T16:37:00.019+08:00

and so the weekend was spent at Melaka!

Purpose: ask for my future aunt-in-law's hand in marriage. It's a traditional malay culture thingy. cool shit huh.

and they were matchmade! :D

1st day: Saturday 25 Oct 2008

nearing the bride-to-be's house.................

some gifts for the bride's family.

Negotiation session

Guy in white is the "Ketua Adat" (Chief of the Melaka Culture in the kampung) explaining to my uncle the do's and dont's.

So you think the top left hand corner dish is chicken?...

No it's noooooooooot. it's a bird!

Meeting the bride (to be).

Uncle's place

he even has his own fucking tennis and badminton court!!

Second day

the kampong house right next to the place we're staying.

Perigi Hang Tuah! (Hang Tuah Well)

A traditional Melaka House

The dunno what tower. x)

Uncle act handsome with shades.

The view from 80metres high!

2008-10-21T16:40:00.003+08:00

"Good afternoon, may I speak to Mr XXXXX? I'm Mas, calling on behalf of the Health Sciences Authority, to conduct a survey regarding the customer satisfaction based on your dealings with HSA". Blah blah blah. And the day goes by.

Training at the Call Centre was tiring but it was pretty cool. The real experience will start tomorrow. Hell yeah!

Sometimes, I wish that you could atleast be a little bit more proud of me.

2008-10-07T17:59:00.004+08:00

One week of Business Services Unit (BSU) completed. One week of newspaper reporting every morning. One week of expressing of thoughts. One week of getting to know the new teammates.

Adelena the Strong Feeler.
Rui Teck the Automatic Radio.
P.K the Introvert/Extrovert. I'm confused.
Nabil the Shy Guy.
Sherlynn the Tired One.
From gay partners to jumping over chairs in the class to sex talks. I'm sure there's more to come. x)
9 more weeks and I bet it's going to be a great one. :)

Sentosa with boyfriend was awesome!

Oh, and thank you to Bby for Ayam Penyet yesterday. (:

2008-09-08T16:08:00.001+08:00

somehow, it pains me looking at others so happy.

2008-09-08T14:42:00.006+08:00

and so, here i am again at Jurong Library. and God. imagine having a librarian walk up to you while you're watching the Singapore male PussyCat Dolls on YouTube. how utterly embarrassing huh.

been spending most of my time at work. going to work when you're fasting definitely tires you out quickly and there is a very high chance of you cursing and swearing very early in the day, which will then make you feel that your fasting has gone to waste. well, that only applies if you work at a place called Zara Ngee Ann City.

Friday (5.9.08) was my favourite boy's 25th birthday! Happy birthday bby! & sorry hunn, i didn't celebrate it with you on that day itself because of work. But i made it up to you, didn't i! So no more sulking about not being happy on your birthday and not getting a nice pair of shoes for a gift. Well, he DID get a sprained ankle for his birthday present. HAHA.

So make-it-up-to-boyfriend-for-not-celebrating-his-birthday-with-him day was the day after. Meet-up was at town and poor gunduhead was limping throughout the whole date. I have to thank him though for agreeing to meet up at town even though its TORTUREsome for him especially with his ankle being screwed up like that. Break fast was at Ayam Ojolali. The place was full, with lots more people queueing up even after Maghrib. Thanks to my brilliant brain, I made seat reservations AFTER placing his gift in my locker at Zara so that he'd keep on thinking that it's really true that i couldn't afford him a gift for his birthday. Thank God he CLAIMED (i think) he likes the pair of shoes. Helps me relieve my stress for abit.

Dessert at Swensens was awesome. (:

To bby: Someone's already 25! May all your wishes (other than the get-a-new-pair-of-shoes-wish) and dreams come true! May you be blessed with happiness and good health (even if you don't even eat any type of fruits)! and of course, may you live till a ripe old age, old enough to keep me company! Hehe. I love you as much as I love my pink undies (inside joke)!! :D

anddddddddddddddddddddddd. i miss my favourite girl too! :D

2008-08-25T14:14:00.002+08:00

Woah. Eversince the start of the holidays, I've been spending time at home. Weekend was a total bore without the usual company of the Saturday boy due to my stupid facial. The Olympic Games got me entertained though. From Synchronised Swimming to Artistic Gymnastics to Volleyball. I swear the the guys from Team USA are fucking hot. Now that the Olympics is over, i shall stop hogging the television non-stop from morning till night and start on my library book. No more hogging, no more screamings from The Mother.

Mum went for her annual D&D on Saturday night, leaving her poor little daughter at home with no food. When I am hungry, normally I'll cook maggi or something simple. That night, however, I tried something different. I wanted toasted bread with cheese so I tried my luck. My house aint got no bread toaster cos my mum finds it useless (which i totally disagree). So this time, I kinda used a pan to make the toasted bread. So yeah, there I was in the kitchen cooking toast happily. Then, out of the blue the fucking bread caught on fire. I was so shocked with the unintentional 'pyrotechnics' that i just stood there gaping. I snapped out of it once smoke started appearing. To be honest, I was like some headless chicken. I started blowing. Ok, that sounds wrong. ANYWAY, blowing only made the fire bigger for some unknown reason. So, I did the only thing that came first in my mind. Swing the fucking pan! The flying bread on fire luckily landed on the sink. I swing that fucker like Roger Federer in his prime. Cool shit. Thank god, I didn't hurt myself. Or worse,burning down the kitchen. Cooking is definitely not one of my forte. Sorry mother, I don't think i can be a wonderful wife to my future husband.

The business that was going to be set up by me and Sufian, well, let's just say I backed out cos i was pissed due to some reasons. So, yeah. Calling out to all those who are willing to help! :D

Lastly lastly lastly lastly, i miss the boy-with-the-giant-leg-muscles!

2008-08-15T12:23:00.004+08:00

Ken leeeeeeee..
Tulibu dibu douchooooooooo...................
Macro, Macro, Macro. I wish I could go kill myself now and go kill the subject as well. Wahlaowey. Knnbccb. I could do all the past year examination papers and supp papers, and then when i read the questions in today's exam paper, all i could see was "MAS, YOU CAN GO DIE." 1 down, 3 more to go.

For now (which means after the exams), let me enjoy the calm before the storm.

Then all hells will break loose.

2008-08-13T17:28:00.002+08:00

I've been having this problem with whatever I type on my blog.
People will either don't like what I write, misunderstand what I write, or think that I make them look stupid on my blog.
Fine, I shall keep my blog. But I'm only going to post happy happy happy happy thoughts.
No more telling the whole world how I really feel.

Moral of the story: Tell the person straight in the face if you're unhappy with him/her, even if he/she is sure to blow his/her top.

2008-08-13T13:45:00.004+08:00

Dad's coming home this evening (FOR REAL). His plane takes off at 6pm, so he'll probably touchdown at around 8. Mum asked if I wanted to follow her to the airport to fetch him and obviously i said that i didn't want to, for i have to study. Lame excuse, uh whatever. Then mum got all pissy and said "No, you're coming with me and that's it.". Then why ask me if i wanted to go in the first place? If there's a question, means there's choices. But she gave me a question, with no choices at all.

I had an encounter with these lady who was singing OPERA-STYLE in the train. She was sitting next to me in the two-seater. And once the train got underground, and it got all noisy, she started to sing, and when it got quiet again, she stopped. Well, my guess is that she didn't want people to hear. But it's obviously not helping. And after that, this guy wearing formal office wear with headphones on, catwalked from the lift to the yellow line at the train platform at Punggol LRT Station. Once he reached the yellow line, he did something like a Saturday Night Fever pose. Y'know, that pose where you have a finger pointing up to the sky and the other arm on your waist or something like that? I caught this episode on Channel Newsasia, when they had this interview with two street performers from China or something, who are now doing their thing here in Singapore. One of them mentioned that Singaporeans need to be more exposed to the arts scene and learn to appreciate it. I think some Singaporeans are getting the idea. But I'm confused. Do we really have talented people? Or weird people?

Fetched Khye from work again yesterday. Brought him Chicken Wrap from school which turned cold (obviously) by the time i reached Buona Vista and his favourite Choco Pie and Wangwang biscuits. I seriously thought i ought not to fetch him right after he said I was being rude for laughing at him when he said he was hungry. Well, now he knows why i was laughing.

To Boyfriend: Moral of the story is to not always think that I'm the 'bad' and 'selfish' one. I was hurt, and still am.

some random sites I think you guys would want to check out. Don't say I didn't warn you though. Heh.
Grandma in Denial: http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=7212
Man almost loses his penis (got the link from Mariaaaa!) : http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08/07/man-almost-loses-penis-humping-steel-bench/
Got hookers all around, dun want to go to them. =/

2008-08-12T15:44:00.000+08:00

New blog, and I love the look! Kinda got sick with LJ. I'm an idiot at picking nice backgrounds and layouts, so my LJ looked like shit most of the time. Atleast blogskins.com provides me with fixed layouts and backgrounds (though you can edit them and stuff.).

And now you must be wondering, "WHY FOURMINUTESAFTERTWO?". First reason: It doesn't sound as stupid as IDONOTBITE. Second reason: It's the time the last inch of me came out of mummy's vagina opening. Mum said I took 14 hours to come out. She was brought to the operation/delivery room at 12 midnight, cause i gave some signs that i was dying to go out. Blah blah blah. After some time, there was no more pain. Mum got so tired of pushing, and the doctor (what do you call those people who deliver babies?) said that they'd come back later in the morning to check on her. So at around 8 in the morning, they came back. Mummy was still awake but was too tired to even talk. They checked up on me and found me sleeping in her womb. Yes, SLEEPING. HAHAHAHA. Guess i was as tired. Mum forgot what happened after that but yeah, soon after, the oh-so-beautiful baby was born! Weighing a total of 3.9kg. I was goddamn big.