Friday, January 9, 2009 @ 10:45 AM.
one week has passed since we broke up...i've been sleeping really late for the past week, for i don't allow myself to go to sleep unless i'm really really really really sleepy. after a long day in school and at work, all i yearn for is a nice sleep at the end of the day.. but all i got was a few hours of sleep each day.. for i only start to really fall asleep in the morning, with eyes red and swollen. even Bryce commented that i had eyebags and that my eyes look 'weird' for the past few days, even after i tried to cover them up with makeup. no, my face is not disfigured, it's just that my eyes tend to get puffy during certain mornings. argh. when i'm not sleepy, i'll tend to just lie on my bed, and think of him. and that's when i start to cry. i tried to sting my eyes with the cold air from the fan to make me go to sleep but it just hurts my eyes more. i've been a fool to fall in love with him. one more foolish act like this wouldn't make any difference..i'm only 18! i'm not ready to face all these problems! why, why did i ever fall in love with a 25 year old man, who assured me that he wasn't like any of my ex-boyfriends?! shouldnt i know better?! i wish i was stronger. i wish i could put all these behind me right now and bloody hell move on. there are many things in this world worth going for, but why am i still stuck here? i keep telling myself that he doesn't love me anymore, doesnt care about me anymore and just can't be bothered with me anymore. well, those are obviously true, but i can't seem to trust my own feelings! i hate him, i really do..for letting me love that person in him which is..well, NOT him. but at the same time, i love him, i really do..for making me probably one of the happiest girls in the world for that 9 months..khai and huda are probably happy to be together again..why can't i get to be happy too?..once, there was a triangle. now, there's just a one-sided love...
