Tuesday, January 6, 2009 @ 10:43 AM.
Last night, was probably the last night I get to spend time with Khai. We had our usual dinner at McDonalds (double cheeseburger) and went to our usual hangout at central, just to pass time.
It was hard pretending that I was alright. Hard trying not to cry as I've already promised him that. My heart ached looking at him sitting beside me, thinking if he could stay by my side forever. But who am i trying to kid? His heart is no longer with me now.... Like he mentioned in his blog, wishing that he can turn back time, I'm wishing for the same thing. Wishing how better it would be if I didn't check his phone on that day. Wishing how better it would be if he didn't take MC on that day, just to come and meet me. I wish I wish.. But right now, all i can wish for is for a miracle. That somehow, someday, I'll get what I want. It's time i stop thinking of others and let everything go MY way. Very funny, mas. Very funny.I keep telling myself to move on and stop thinking that he would one day come back to me. I guess I just can't accept the fact that it's just wishful thinking on my part. I keep telling myself that he's a jerk, an asshole, a liar. But the only images i have of him are images of the 'fake' him. The 'fake' him who said he loved me and only me. The one who was mature, and intelligent. The one who said he'd love me forever, no matter what happens...I asked Nurul, "Must I really forget about him...". And she said that I'd have to ask myself, if i'm willing to forget what he did and go past all that and forgive him and still love him as much. And if he still wants to be with me, then I wouldn't have to. but if he's going back to Huda, then it's wise to forget him..It's so hard.. it's just so hard...... :'(
